water

okay, so i know that the majority of you guys who read my blog are also faithful followers of jody....but i feel as though i need to use my voice to advocate for this friday's FIRST GIFT.

been following her trip to Liberia and it's invigorating to see the pics as she posts them.

the wink some little boy gave her.
the man who prayed faithfully.
the water flowing from the pump.

awesome.

i am reminded about moses and the israelites. i mean seriously, God used Moses to bring water out of a rock....water out of rock !?! to show His people that He is FAITHFUL. that He is GOOD.

and i want to be a part of something that communicates those truths to people. when they use that pump, when they take a sip, i want them to hear a whisper in their soul...a whisper that says...

"God IS faithful"
"He IS good"

now, i don't know jody that well. but i believe in my spirit that she is wrestling with her calling of being "wife" and "mom" and her calling to the orphan, to the widow and to the poor.

after all. we are ALL called to the orphan, the widow and the poor. ALL OF US.

and in a season where i am desperately trying to live in the now of being mommy to a toddler and a baby, while simaltaneously living outside of these four walls, i feel like on friday, when i give that 10 bucks, i will be doing just that.

how cool.

at home with my girls, and yet joining a band of people who are reaching beyond themselves to make sure that people know that God is good. that He is faithful. that miracles DO happen. that our God is a God who brings water out of rocks.

on being defended by God

if you only knew how many times this week that our Lord has given me oportunities to learn what it means to truly rest in the knowledge that HE is my defender, you would laugh...or maybe feel sorry for me.

but i'm realizing more and more that this is something that God wants to GET RID OF in my life...it's not just some personality quirk or simply part of the mandy-make-up, it's SIN and He HATES it, and so i must HATE it also. so i'm embracing it....well trying to embrace it, as God brings this to the surface and burns it away.

here's some brutal honesty guys, it's possible you may not like me after you read this....

My mind is like a rollercoaster and sometimes i just can't stop it.

i think

and analyze

and process

everything WAY too much and then i become an emotional wreck because of it. i'm constantly apologizing to the people i love the most, because i worry i've hurt them or said something wrong. i'm constantly asking the people i love the most if we're "okay" because i've read into a statement or a "look" or i worry that they've mis-read me.

(ugh this is ugly to write about)

Is "defensiveness" an emotion or even a word? I'm not quite sure, but it feels like that is exactly what God keeps bringing up in my heart. He has been SERIOUSLY working on getting me to rely on Him alone to come to my defense.

when i perceive that someone has gotten a false view of me, i believe it is my job to bring the truth into light.

i'm learning that this is VERY defensive.

i'm learning that it's not my job to worry about whether or not someone has all the facts straight about who i am or how i live my life.


(fyi, this is SUPER hard for me, i so badly want people to know my TRUE heart...but i'm learning slowly that this is God's job, NOT mine)


i've always had this sense of "justice" about me.

this has been my motto

"i don't care if you judge me, you just better KNOW me, i mean really KNOW me before you judge me"


man, when i read that statement, it sort of disgusts me. it's actually a VERY judgemental statement in and of itself. how yucky that that has been in my heart for SO long.

I turn molehills into mountains all of the time. it's hard for me to let go of words or looks, i tend to think it's my job to get to the bottom of things with questions like...

"what did you mean by that"

or

"did you think i did/said something wrong"

i've been on this exhausting path of constantly trying to bring the truth of my motives into the light.... and the worst part is, i think i do it in the name of being...

"real" and

"totally open and honest" and

"not afraid of conflict"

wow! how lame is that?!?!?!


i am focusing on...

taking every thought...EVERY thought captive.

letting go of A LOT.

letting people think what they think regardless of whether or not they have their facts straight.


For me, true freedom from this, would be to just NOT notice things that i do or say, or things that others do or say that could, maybe, possibly be misconstrued....i just don't even want to THINK about it at ALL. ignorance is bliss as they say....i want to be totally innocent in the whole "what do you think that could've meant?" arena of life.

i want to...

-take things as they come

-take EVERYONE at their word

-not read into things

-not worry that someone may have read into something i did/said and then go on my whole truth rampage--"you need to know what i really meant by that" "i think you may have misunderstood me...let me clarify" BLAH BLAH BLAH


don't really know if all of that made sense...but it is definitely where my heart is at right now :)

i need to read these truths over and over and over again. let them sink deep. let them resonate inside of me. i love the Lord. i love His words. i love that He longs for freedom for all of us, in every area. i love that His word is constantly pointing all of us toward that freedom. wow.


EXODUS 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you...you need only to be still"

1 CORINTHIANS 4:12-13 "When we are cursed, we bless: when we are persecuted, we endure it: when we are slandered, we answer kindly."

2 CORINTHIANS 6:8-10 "Through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report, genuine, yet regarded as impostors, known, yet regarded as unknown;...."

PSALM 59:17 "God my strength, I will sing praises to You. God, my defender, You are the God who loves me.

schedule

i've been following this weekly "schedule" of sorts since september.

lightly some weeks. rigorously some weeks. but generally, it's super helpful in keeping me grounded in what i want us to be about.

i finally got my "stuff" up on the fridge. i had several mishaps with some clipboards and finally i just put it all up there with magnets.


here's what's up there:

daily schedule: something that i just check periodically throughout the day to make sure i'm staying on target. this schedule is pretty general, (like, check laundry, activity with avery, lunch time, wk on chore/project, ect)

activity sheet: this has some ideas for what activities i could do with each of the girls during that time on the sched.

chores, projects and errands sheet: this is sort of ongoing and is re-compiled every month. dave can add stuff to each of these areas.

grocery sheet: this has all of the stores i go to and what i get at those stores. there's a big box at the bottom to add stuff that we need.

places-to-go sheet: places i would like to take the girls.

calendar

the daily schedule i switch out daily and the rest are monthly.

okay....feeling motivated to follow it. i'm hoping it's not too complicated that i'll fall off the wagon...

(somehow working on these sheets each month helps me feel like i'm still working at Vanguard :))

all i want for christmas

thanksgiving "tivity" #1

there were no thanksgiving books at the library. these teachers and mommies are brutal. they pre order them in october...september even. crazy. so i made a little book of our own, with pictures and stories and activities that i found on the good ole internet.



here's the bad king of england telling the pilgrims "Don't pray to Jesus"


so the pilgrims wanted to leave england, but there was a BIG OCEAN






so they loaded up on the Mayflower

and headed across the ocean to america




they jumped out of the boat and praised God when they got to america!


(we still like to be ladybugs around here....can you tell? and here's one of ladybug ashton from last weekend...she was sleeping during the whole going-to-america chaos)

Ashton's Dedication

Dear Ashton Kate,

More often than not, everytime someone meets you for the first time, they say to me "Well, isn't that the smiliest baby ever". And it's true, I think you just might be. You are overflowing with smiles. Your name means “pure tree” and when I think about this beautiful, unique meaning, I am committed to praying Psalm 1:1-3 over you

“Oh the joys of the pure, of those who don’t follow the advice of the wicked. Their delight; their joy is in the law of the Lord. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in every single season….they prosper in all that they do.”


And so, sweet Ashton, my prayer for you is that you would be a like a pure tree….that you would plant yourself along the river and that you would bear much fruit. May your delight, your joy, always be found in the law of the Lord.

On this day, November 8th, 2009, your father and I commit to raising you to look to God as your Father, your Savior, and your King, May you know His love, His grace and His sovereignty over your life, more intimately than I do.

I love you.

Mom


(harrison and aves watching the slide show of all the babes)

it gets dark SO early

it's 5 on a sat afternoon and it feels so late right now. it's dark outside and cozy in our house. it feels like bedtime. i still need to go to the store and figure out what's for dinner, so i suppose bedtime will have to wait.

zengos with garrett and elaina


couch cushion house


trying to remember that God is my defender
trying to remember to invite His voice into every decision and every action

fall back

this whole time change has thrown me for a loop this week. trying to start my mornings off right has been difficult.

i feel like i've been holding my breath all week, like my mind is being consumed by all of the thoughts God is bringing up and i forget to breath.

yesterday i was able to spend time with laura and ellen. it's always amazing....we always expose our hearts to each other...can't describe how thankful i am for those two.


dinner and barnes and noble with dave last night.

much to be thankful for.

more ladybugs

"spidermen"