she's my second cousin (i think)
she lives in Sudan.
she works here.
she blogs here.
she came into town for two short days and the girls and i were able to have dinner with her one night.
after pictures and stories of what this 23-year-old is living day in and day out....my mind and my heart have been restless.
what she is capable of doing right now, by living in Sudan, seems much closer to the heart of God than my daily life. and yet, i KNOW and BELIEVE that i am called to be dave's wife and avery and ashton's momma.
okay, this may sound kinda wierd and perhaps prideful, but i think that i desire my spiritual life, my relationship with God, to be glamorous.....you know what i mean? and right now, it's just not.
my obedience to God is not radical these days. it's not even recognizeable to most people.
like God says "Mandy, will you change ashton's diaper again?"
or "Mandy, do your hair and put some make-up on for dave okay?"
or "read a book with Avery"
and there is just something about that kind of obedience that is just so BORING......
and hangin' with Jennie brought up some things in my heart. i want (and need) to be secure in my relationship with my God. who He is in my life. who He is calling me to be in this season.
and i'm learning (even as i type this) that listening, straining even, to hear His still, small voice and then trying hard to do what that still, small voice says.....
that is precious,
that is being close to the heart of God....in every season, in every home, in every country.
glamorous or not.
(so why, WHY, do i still feel like i'm not doing enough, like i'm not being obedient enough???? (sigh) my heart continues to wrestle....)
3 comments :
my thoughts are in an email to you. :)
good STUFF, mandy! you are listening...He is talking...i can tell by what's going on in your heart.
{i AM going to respond to your email when i get time to actually think...i promise!}
amen and amen. couldn't have said it any better. thanks so much for writing this...I desperately needed to hear it. very much have been struggling with the same thoughts.
Post a Comment