Thursday, May 20, 2010

At the beginning of 3

It hurt my heart to pull you from your bed and find your sweet newly-three-year-old body sweaty and fevered.

You've been talking about this day for awhile now. May 19th. I can't remember the last time you had a fever. I really cannot. And you wake with one on your birthday. Rats.


(ashton and i prepared a little bday breakfast before you woke up)
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but micah and her momma weren't scared off by talk of tempertures, so they were there to light your candles....
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and sing happy birthday.

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it was a little too rainy and you were a little too fevered for the zoo. but we blew bubbles at a park and barked at puppies through glass windows in the mall. and micah was by your side, so i knew your birthday was just as it should be...regardless of that silly ole fever.

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you've talked for weeks about going to fargos on your birthday (or red robin, depending on the day) but after a rough afternoon, a spiking fever, and a failed attempt to get dressed after your nap, we finally convinced you that we'd go a different day, when your fever was gone and your smile was back. you sadly agreed and daddy took a special trip to blockbuster and returned with mickey and some movie about a bunch of bees.

we let you open your present from ashton. a magic mickey pad. daddy made you a bed on the couch and you worked on your pad and watched mickey until bedtime.

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oh girl. you have no idea how my heart aches with love for you. It really does physically ache. I care so much about the way I parent you. The way I show you love. The time I spend with you. I'm always questioning and second guessing myself during this season.

we had many things going on this morning...but i cancelled them all. needed to be with my girl after her up-six-times feverish night. a walk in the fresh air and bright sun was good, good medicine. with birthday balloon of course. and matching jams.
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There is much about parenting a 3 year old that is hard. (especially one that is brilliant and witty and curious and so engaged in life and her surroundings)

You are stubborn....but i pray you will be strong.
You try to manipulate people and situations...but i pray you will be a leader.
You test.....but i pray you will be wise.
You grab and touch and look and ask about everything.....but i pray your curiosity will always, always, ALWAYS lead you to the awesomeness of who HE is.
You try to make sure you get your way....but i pray you will be a servant.
You complain and whine when things aren't as they should be.....but i pray you will be content.
You are shy...but i pray you will be confident in who He made you to be.

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Because He made you to be beautiful, Avery. Beautiful and courageous and strong. You are funny. Your memory is amazing. You are tough. You listen and observe carefully. You are very aware of the "life" happening around you. Giving up is not an option for you, you perservere my daughter...and though it is an exhausting, daily battle now, I know and believe that in all you do...you will let nothing stop you from serving our God...you will perservere for Him.

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Happy Birthday kiddo. May God...the One who knit you together so masterfully inside of me...may He give me grace, wisdom, patience, joy and laughter as I continue on this beautiful journey of being your mom.

Oh, and I need His perspective....I desperately need His perspective.

6 comments :

Kim said...

Beautiful post! Hoping she is better today! See you tonight, still? :)

Courtney said...

what a sweet sweet post. you should print it and put it wherever you put things you will give her one day.

you are a great mom!

Laura said...

You made me cry. Your words are beautiful. Avery will have these always to hold on to.

calli said...

what a sweet day for Miss Avery. i admire the perspective that you do have now, even as you hope and ask for more.

jody said...

oh geez. I loved that too.
really beautiful.

Matt Elsberry said...

Love this Mandy. What a blessing for little Avery and Ashton to have a momma like you. I am proud to be your brother...

This post definitely will be a treasure for Avery one day.