school days

school's in session here in colorado springs and it feels a little surreal to me. i'm in a season when my girls schedule rises and falls with my direct influence. like, for instance, right now ashton is screaming in her crib because i am certain she needs more nap.

they have no time line, no calendar items, they don't even really know much about time really. avery's "go to" time is wednesday at 10:30. she'll say "on wednesday at 10:30 we're going to see micah" or "on wednesday at 10:30 we're going to the park with our cousins". it's quite cute the way she tells me, like she's contributing important information and i should write it down.

and the thing is, i LIKE schedules. i like doing things on certain days, having a plan, getting showered and dressed by a certain time because there is something to get showered and dressed for. (even if it is just preschool at home)

normally i do a pretty good job sticking to the little schedule we've created....but i feel sort of stuck. stuck in the "last few weeks of pregnancy" zone. our days are not very well planned out, our schedule is very casually being followed, things are just happening to us, there has been hardly any planning in advance for anything, and i have this urge to do more, to BE more, but absoulutely no motivation whatsoever to do more and be more. hmmmm.

ashton's still crying btw. poor babe.

wow. that really got off track. what i meant to say after saying that school's in session is that i have a dear friend (the best, really) whose son is, at this very moment, driving to kentucky for his freshman year of college. i talked to her for a few brief moments this morning and i just CAN NOT IMAGINE that business.

so we are going to eat pei wei and watch Date Night and try to get her to laugh inbetween her tears. because now? now the influence she had on sweet jared's life is changing and morphing into something entirely different than playdates and naps and "what shall we do with finger paint". her influence does not stay at home with her boy, nope, it goes with him, in his head, in his heart, it has been engraved upon his life little by little over, almost, 19 years. she was made for this. made to be his momma. made to let him go. made for it to hurt as much as it makes her proud.

man. that is wierd stuff. i can not imagine it. it feels so very far off. like, not even remotely on my radar. but i spose it should be. because the truth is, today will influence their tomorrow. today has an impact on that day in the future when they load their car full of shoes and clothes and books and pillows and leave this house. and i pray that my influence goes with them.

(once you've been around ellen for awhile, you can never fully get her voice out of your head...so ellen (and jared) will be fine :))