Houle House: coming mercies

it's been an off day.

i meant to get up before the kids. it's tradition. it's habit. it's vital.

but, i didn't.

we finally finished our school and i sent everyone outside to play. i barely had time to make myself some tea and upload some pictures. ian and avery are back inside wanting tea themselves and snacks and, heaven forbid, to talk to me. i kid....well, sort of.

there is an inner battle that constantly goes on inside of me. the fight between wanting so desperately to nurture them as their own individuals and wanting to control them.

it's the battle between this:

"oh you want to come in now, sweet darling? of course! and yes, you may have a cup of tea!"

and this:

"you may not come inside yet! you have to stay out there for 20 more minutes! i don't care if you are cold, i don't care if you are bored. out you go!"

i mean, isn't it obvious what i would say to any of you if you were in my house? they deserve dignity, respect and to have their own opinions and desires expressed and validated. but they are also children, their opinions and desires are still being shaped, sometimes i wish i wasn't in charge of all of this shaping. sometimes it feels impossible to shape and love at the same time. thank goodness God is holding the reigns.

when does discipline and training and shaping cross over the line into control and manipulation?

when does love and grace and respect cross over the line into training them toward the wrong thought patterns and attitudes and behaviors?

this parenting gig, it has me stumped.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ashton kate lost her first tooth in december.