So there's this thing that happened to me as I welcomed and parented a child with a chronic and painful medical issue. It sorta messed up all of my go-to cliches and stripped back everything I thought I believed. Particularly about prayer.
Here's the thing. The cliche prayers were toxic to the faith of a child (and his mother)...the child who doesn't get "healing," who doesn't get "rescue," who doesn't get to go home with a challenge "conquered." Check. Done. Thank you, God...is just not gonna happen. The reality is that this will be a battle for the rest of his living days. Some times more intense than others...and always there.
A good friend (thanks, Jennifer Shapiro Isaac) posted a blog article (linked below) that has helped. In it, the author suggested that maybe we transform our prayers from "Make it better" to "Make it count."
That has brought new light...especially now as we prepare to check ourselves back into the Children's Hospital at the end of March. My honest pleas have become,
"OK. God. Gosh darn it, if we have to do this, then I need you to make this count. Please. Make us kinder. Make us stronger. Make us more compassionate and more courageous. Bring nearness. And bravery. And gentleness. To a degree we knew not of before. Make this count. Damn it. "
I had a little bracelet made to remind myself. And when two precious friends of mine found themselves in their own hospital room with their kiddos this month, I had one made for them.
Because sometimes prayer does not set us free from the hardness of life. Sometimes rescue doesn't come and we have to sit in suffering with our loved ones. And well...that is hard business.
I was encouraged today by images they sent of their tired, mama hands. They are doing the excrutiating work of "making it count."
With a mixture of PTSD and genuine heartache, I have been loving them from afar and praying the only way I know how right now.
Make it count, sweet friends.
Jody had one of these beautiful bracelets made for the raffle. a 15 dollar bid will get your name in the hat for one these. they are from frosted willow etsy shop. official bidding starts next tuesday when the raffle launches.