light burdens

i read this today from the pursuit of God.  tozer is talking about Jesus' yoke being easy and His burden, light. 

this is what he says about our burden.....

"first, there is the burden of pride.  the labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed.  think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you.  the heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opionion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest.  yet, the sons of earth are carrying this burden continually, challenging every word spoken against them, cringing under every criticism, smarting under each fancied slight, tossing sleepless if another is preferred before them."

but when we take on His burden of meekness.  here's what we get.....

"the meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort.  he has stopped being fooled about himself.  he has accepted God's estimate of his own life.  he knows he is as weak and helpless as God declared him to be, but paradoxically, he knows at the same time that is in himself, nothing; in God, everything.  in the meantime, he will have attained a place of soul rest.  as he walks on in meekness he will be happy to let God defend him.  the old struggle to defend himself is over.  he has found the peace which meekness brings."

this is where i am.  i am fighting to let go of this burden of pride.  i hate it. only God can strip it away and i'm begging Him to do it. 

i want to fully function in the reality that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort.
i do not want to continue to struggle to defend.
i want meekness.
in myself, nothing.  in God, everything.